Please, give me some time to think. My world has fallen apart.
I've been holding on to smoke, and looking through mirrors, and I've been calling it reality. I'm sorry. I wondered why nothing made sense, and it was because I had been following a belief that had no founding in reality. The dark clouds and storms were nothing. My bright little fantasy was broken like a child's toy, and I should have seen it.
I've been a fool. I saw the truth, but for once, I put my cynicism aside and hoped against the truth that I was wrong, that there was hope. I felt used, but that was my fault. I didn't have the whole story, when I should have been more aware.
I should have been destroyed by this change, but I'm only hurt.
There is still some hope. There has to be.
But it's not here that I have to find it.
I'm going back to my roots, back to where I learned to be me. I think there was a lesson there that I failed to learn before I started dating. Now that I am single and able to see now, I should go back and see what it was that I missed. That I refused to learn before I started.
I'm never going to be the same after this.
No fear though. Fear is the mind killer, and I need my mind, if nothing else.
6 comments:
Crappy.
I can't be 100% certain, but I think I know the feeling. Maybe Not entirely the same reasons, but the resulting feelings seem the same.
There really isn't anything I can say to help.
I think you're on the right track. Maybe just slow everything down and think.
The end of a two year relationship is never easy. But what I was missing, or rather what I wasn't told, and was expected to deduce, or never know, is what hurts the most.
Dating someone you think you know, just to find out that there's been some horrible mistake, or perhaps exploitation, is cause enough to turn someone off of pursuing future relationships.
This will probably hurt me for a very long time. A scar on the heart to match my wrist, perhaps. I'll grow stronger, but there will always be that old wound there.
And as typical, she still wants to be friends.
Anything regarding romance has me so distraught I can't even articulate all I wish I could.
One thought/opinion:
She probably really does want to be friends though. But do it on your terms, when you're ready to take that step. Even if it's a year or more from now...that friendship could possibly turn out to be one of the best friendships you have had.
She was already one of the best friends I ever had, for about a six months before we started dating. She's different now though... some of the things she's said and done are things that even friends wouldn't say or do to me.
Ooh..jeez..
Like many others I have loved and been loved. I've never been in a real relationship so I wouldn't know what that would be like. But I have been hurt nonetheless and one thing I've learnt over the years is that no matter how much it hurts, you're always left with the good memories, and once you've managed to get over it, you're stronger than ever.
I've also learnt that if a person has hurt you once, whether he/she meant to or not, if they do it again you don't feel destroyed, you just feel disappointed and, as you say, hurt. If someone breaks your trust once, it's the worst feeling there is. But if the same person does it again you don't have the energy to get angry. It just hurts.
But, as always, we get over it and keep moving. I wouldn't be without the experiences I've had... well, maybe some :) What I've experienced has made me the person I am today, and I like the me I am today.
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