A friend of mine told me there's no need for an excuse to be passionate.
I thought it was quite wise until I actually got wind of what kind of passion he was talking about. I was imagining feats of exceeding valour and nobility, like curing cancer or building a great monument.
Later I discovered, he meant fighting for the exclusive rights to female genitailia, and warding off other barbarous suitors from "my girl."
Laying claim to something that is not mine has never sat quite well with me. I'm single. I lay claim to no-one, and no-one has any claim over me, despite whatever petty notions they might have in their head. Sex is kind of a touchy issue for me, but I figure it will come of its own accord, pardon the pun. I'm not one to go around looking for booty, as I figure any girl looking for a purely physical relationship would be "resigning" herself to me, as there is no shortage of better looking - and much hornier - men to choose from. More experienced, less emotional, the works.
In any event, college seems to have become nothing but a hormone-crazed sex fest, with a few classes and education strewn over top. The fall seems to have that effect on people. They can't stand being single, so they'll begin dating people they hate for nothing more than the rabid make-up sex that inevitably follows every inane argument.
So what happens when two people who actually like each other meet?
8 comments:
Fall is when everyone couples up, to keep warm through the winter. Spring, they get their groove on (after having built up the relationship throughout the winter), and summer is when everyone gets bored and breaks up. At least, the masses follow this pattern.
I wasn't discussing a one-night stand, although some people are into that. I'm talking about a physical relationship, which in college, is about the best someone can hope for. Anyone who says they're not in a relationship for sex, while they are having sex is a liar.
Otherwise, there are questions to be asked. Like, is it okay to date someone if you know you don't, and never will love them? Is it alright to have sex with someone you don't love, even if they consent to it, or even initiate it?
I'm seeing it now for the complexity that's been woven around the topic of sex. Is any of the above really important?
It depends on the couple, and the relationship they have with each other.
I think the problem these days is that everyone is in a rush to get what they want... here and now. They don't really stop to plan out the impact of their current actions on the future. Therefore, because the proper time was not invested, the relationship is shortened (if there is one) leading to a very quick end.
In the past, I have had sex with someone I didn't really care about. It was just wanting that release that comes with the physical act. But as I grew older, I realized how great sex is when there is real LOVE involved. How it allows intimacy to occur. Sex with love, intimacy and trust allow the physical act to reach a metaphysical level. Satisfaction beyond compare.
But again, this is coming from a girl that is a love junkie! :>
Interesting points Carla. I'm interested to see what everyone else has to say on this as well.
Sex with love is definitely better in theory, but there's a distinction between the two as well. Sex is an act between two people, but there's so much moral and mental bullshit wrapped around it that it's hard for me to focus on the idea, and what would actually be important.
I believe it was apples who said "there is nothing more natural."
I'm starting to agree, but I'm still just a philosopher behind a pane of glass. On the outside looking in.
Maybe that’s why 1 out every 2 marriages break up, there was no love to begin with. That’s a hard question to answer. Maybe people need to stop complicating everything bring it back down to something simple and go from there.
I think sex should be whatever you feel it should be. If you feel it should mean something, it should. If you're just out for fun, that's your choice. However, when you and your partner have conflicting feelings on the matter, then it gets complicated. Which, unfortunately, happens a lot.
Yesterday someone asked me if I would ever have sex with a guy if I knew it wouldn't become a long term relationship. I would. I have.
Some people want to get laid as much, as often as possible, preferrably with as many different people as they can get. Others like (not love) each other, enjoy each other's company, maybe they're dating, maybe they're not.
I do think there is nothing more natural than sex. But I mean that in the sense that you're attracted to someone, like the person, care for them even though you might love each other. Not in the meaning you go out to a club looking to score. The wanting to do it is natural. How you do it can spoil the whole thing.
There are, for most people, many feelings involved. I could never sleep with someone if I didn't really like him (and I don't mean like as in "oh he's cute"). I start caring about people way too easily. That's one reason one night stands could never be on my 'to do' list.
There is a difference between sleeping with someone without loving them, and sleeping with someone just to do it. I don't think it's wrong to have sex as long as you both agree and you're not 'using' anyone.
I do, however, have a problem with people who are dating and/or sleeping with more than one person at a time and say you have to agree to be 'exclusive', otherwise you can sleep with whoever you want. As with everything else, if both (or all) people agree, you should do what you want. I just can't get rid of the feeling that it's not how things were meant to be.
Then again, what would I know...
Apparently more than I, apples.
This discussion has cleared a few things for me.
But of course, it's always awkward discussing with people where they stand on sex. More often than not, they will only reveal how they stand on the issue on the morning after. Often, with their vacancy on the premises.
Raine,
Great questions. I've had sex with people I didn't love. Had sex with people who, it turned out, didn't love me. Had sex with people I love for reasons other than me loving them. You are right; it's messy, its complicated, and its something we do regardless of the pain, confusion or complication because we are drawn to it, for whatever payoff we are seeking.
My rule has always been about honesty, which some girls say they want but they really don't; they want the fantasy in the moment that the guy will love them AFTER they have sex because it was just that good and because she is just that loveable.
Some guys say they want to be honest but they aren't because they know that true honesty will kill their chances for scoring with this girl at this time.
All I can say is that sex without love has no honesty to it. Not honesty as in, "I don't love you, but let's do it." But honesty as in, I am making myself vulnerable to you and open to you and exposed to you to my core and I trust that you will accept me and love me and enjoy me as I am at that core. I have no fear in being my one true self with you when we are together.
Sex with love is the only way, as I see it, for a person to fully let down your guard in the most meaningful and substantive way. Anyone who says they are their most honest, authentic self while having sex with someone for whom there is no love, is lying. Without love, and sometimes unfortunately even with it, we all end up playing a role in order to protect ourselves from having to be truly who we are in order to truly connect on a metaphysical level with this other person.
Or somethin' like that.... ;)
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