I'm leaving on Sunday.
Or, I guess for some of you, I'm coming out on Sunday. My first day of work is to be this monday that is fast approaching, which means I have little more than 72 hours to pack my clothes and work gear and move out.
It's funny. I should be able to get everything packed in about 2-3 hours. I don't own a hell of a lot. It's all been pressed into a drawer and a little metre by metre corner in the closet. Take that and a notepad, and I should be good.
Of course, that means I won't have any connection to the wonderful world of internet until my new computer gets shipped up there, but whatever. Work beats play, and it's not like I'd be missed for a week or two.
Hell. I can't wait to get e-mails saying I should hang out with my buddies after work some day.
Sorry mates, four hours is a little long to drive just so I can pay your bar tab.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Good News
Two bits of good news to share with you.
The first is less important. I got hired for a job out in a town called Drayton Valley. That means I will soon be moving, and taking up a career-esque job. To answer the most common questions I've gotten about it, it's about a half-hour southwest of Stony Plain, I'm not excited (but rather relieved) and I already have most of my stuff packed/in storage.
The second, and more important bit of good news, my friend Ravuya has completed his latest creation, a game called Glow. You can pick it up here. I recommend reading the little manual he's laid out first, before diving into the game. Zombies and guns galore, it's possibly one of his finest creations.
Other than that, I have little else to say. Other than I'm likely going to purchase a new computer soon.
The first is less important. I got hired for a job out in a town called Drayton Valley. That means I will soon be moving, and taking up a career-esque job. To answer the most common questions I've gotten about it, it's about a half-hour southwest of Stony Plain, I'm not excited (but rather relieved) and I already have most of my stuff packed/in storage.
The second, and more important bit of good news, my friend Ravuya has completed his latest creation, a game called Glow. You can pick it up here. I recommend reading the little manual he's laid out first, before diving into the game. Zombies and guns galore, it's possibly one of his finest creations.
Other than that, I have little else to say. Other than I'm likely going to purchase a new computer soon.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Anxiety
There's nothing like waking up at 3 in the morning, feeling like your chest is going to implode and your eyes are going to pop.
It's been happening more frequently of late. Today, I decided to do something rather than just lie there suffering. So, as a result, my latest story has more than doubled in size. I really should be finishing the other two that I started a long time ago, but just looking at either one of them makes me feel sick, so I haven't bothered choking back and just getting it done.
Leave it to me to abandon my old labours to start all new ones that will be abandoned in the near future.
I'm also taking a page from D's book.
I'm not sharing any more of my written stuff until it's completed and I'm satisfied with it.
Part of the reason I get so disgusted with my own work is the feelings that I tie in with it. Writing's an emotional undertaking, and I can't help but leave imprints of what I'm feeling as I write fiction.
So then it's only natural that in one of my greatest stories, halfway through the theme changes from one of hope to one of bitterness and betrayal.
Such is life, I guess. It's always easier to go down the hill than up it.
It's been happening more frequently of late. Today, I decided to do something rather than just lie there suffering. So, as a result, my latest story has more than doubled in size. I really should be finishing the other two that I started a long time ago, but just looking at either one of them makes me feel sick, so I haven't bothered choking back and just getting it done.
Leave it to me to abandon my old labours to start all new ones that will be abandoned in the near future.
I'm also taking a page from D's book.
I'm not sharing any more of my written stuff until it's completed and I'm satisfied with it.
Part of the reason I get so disgusted with my own work is the feelings that I tie in with it. Writing's an emotional undertaking, and I can't help but leave imprints of what I'm feeling as I write fiction.
So then it's only natural that in one of my greatest stories, halfway through the theme changes from one of hope to one of bitterness and betrayal.
Such is life, I guess. It's always easier to go down the hill than up it.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
And yet it goes on
I've been meaning to write something here for a while. In fact, this is the third time I've opened this window tonight and started typing something out. But nothing worthwhile comes. I can write until my fingers fall off, but on reading back what I've written, it all seems pointless tripe. This brain can no longer function as it once did. I used to be able to call forward vivid images in the mind of my readers, tugging them with sights both strange and disturbing, and engaging them with thoughts and emotions that, for many, are completely alien to their regular routine. It was genius.
I can't even say I'm the same person anymore. Who am I? What have I become? Where did my creativity, my convictions, and my passion go? What about my plan? Did I ever really have one, or have I always known that it's pointless to prepare for disaster? Have I become so bitter that I can't look at people anymore and say, "I'd save them?" Although, looking back... it would perhaps be harder to be bitter if I wasn't so expendable to others. Have I become so detached from humanity that I'm actually expecting people to betray and subvert?
I think, in the future, I'll look back on these last couple years, and I will tell myself that this is when I was lost. When it started will be just as obscure as when it ended, but all I know is that I will think back, and the hairs on my neck will rise and my stomach will sink in unpleasantness. This is when my life lacked any kind of objective or direction, and when I lost most of what makes me myself. I've become a baser version of myself, pining for the basic stimulations that I used to get. People to talk to. Lessons to learn. A bright future waiting just over the horizon.
Although, come to think of it, my future has never been very bright. When the call comes for the masters of the world, I will have to step aside, because I am, and quite literally always will be, the master of nothing. It doesn't matter what I have, or what I know, or what I'm doing, there will always be one better, and it will always be their objective to supplant me. Such is my place in the world, and the order of life.
And so, where does that leave me? Who knows. Less importantly, who really cares?
Intentions. What are mine now?
Start simple...
Wake up tommorrow.
Go from there.
I can't even say I'm the same person anymore. Who am I? What have I become? Where did my creativity, my convictions, and my passion go? What about my plan? Did I ever really have one, or have I always known that it's pointless to prepare for disaster? Have I become so bitter that I can't look at people anymore and say, "I'd save them?" Although, looking back... it would perhaps be harder to be bitter if I wasn't so expendable to others. Have I become so detached from humanity that I'm actually expecting people to betray and subvert?
I think, in the future, I'll look back on these last couple years, and I will tell myself that this is when I was lost. When it started will be just as obscure as when it ended, but all I know is that I will think back, and the hairs on my neck will rise and my stomach will sink in unpleasantness. This is when my life lacked any kind of objective or direction, and when I lost most of what makes me myself. I've become a baser version of myself, pining for the basic stimulations that I used to get. People to talk to. Lessons to learn. A bright future waiting just over the horizon.
Although, come to think of it, my future has never been very bright. When the call comes for the masters of the world, I will have to step aside, because I am, and quite literally always will be, the master of nothing. It doesn't matter what I have, or what I know, or what I'm doing, there will always be one better, and it will always be their objective to supplant me. Such is my place in the world, and the order of life.
And so, where does that leave me? Who knows. Less importantly, who really cares?
Intentions. What are mine now?
Start simple...
Wake up tommorrow.
Go from there.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Some kind of Relief
I've had it.
I thought the world had grown up somewhat.
I come from a time and place that says substance is more important than cost, and the merits of the person are always taken into consideration before where it is that they are coming from.
Welcome to the new aristocracy. I'll be fucked if I let any shit like this get around to me. I don't care if you live in a motherfucking box on the street. If you've made something of yourself, you're fucking gold. A homeless man with a sense of humour beats a vapid mogul's kid any time during any day. A kid from a poor family who has the skills and the charisma to bend a country to his knee shouldn't be held back on the account that he only has five thousand in the bank.
A scruffy ruffian who's given his heart to the lady of his life shouldn't have to put up with this... archaic bullshit that should've been buried in the feudal period. Who cares if he looks like shit? Who cares if he smells like engine oil all the time? He's busting his ass off to make his way in the world, and maybe make life a little easier for someone important to him. I fail to see how it makes him any lesser of a person than some rich, motherfucking snob who carts around in a limo and eats oysters off a hooker's ass.
Jesus Conrad, some of the shit I see, I swear I just want to take out the torch and not stop until barbeques are out of fashion.
I'm feeling better already. Time for some sleep.
I thought the world had grown up somewhat.
I come from a time and place that says substance is more important than cost, and the merits of the person are always taken into consideration before where it is that they are coming from.
Welcome to the new aristocracy. I'll be fucked if I let any shit like this get around to me. I don't care if you live in a motherfucking box on the street. If you've made something of yourself, you're fucking gold. A homeless man with a sense of humour beats a vapid mogul's kid any time during any day. A kid from a poor family who has the skills and the charisma to bend a country to his knee shouldn't be held back on the account that he only has five thousand in the bank.
A scruffy ruffian who's given his heart to the lady of his life shouldn't have to put up with this... archaic bullshit that should've been buried in the feudal period. Who cares if he looks like shit? Who cares if he smells like engine oil all the time? He's busting his ass off to make his way in the world, and maybe make life a little easier for someone important to him. I fail to see how it makes him any lesser of a person than some rich, motherfucking snob who carts around in a limo and eats oysters off a hooker's ass.
Jesus Conrad, some of the shit I see, I swear I just want to take out the torch and not stop until barbeques are out of fashion.
I'm feeling better already. Time for some sleep.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Science Experiment
Hello.
I'm actually awake for now.
I've been asleep for what seems like four or five days now.
I don't know what I've missed.
I guess I made the right choice and let an opportunity go by.
But the funny thing about opportunity it that it's only opportune to a few.
Those with foresight never see things the same as those with hindsight.
But one regrets doing, and one regrets not doing.
Funny thing about regrets... it's like you can never go back and fix them. Seemings as how I'm not dead, and neither is anybody else, I seem to carry few.
Anyway, I'm probably going to try and sleep at a decent time tonight, and get up with the sun tommorrow. I'm prepared for the shock, but I'm wondering if it will be worth my while?
Probably not. So little else seems to be these days.
I'm actually awake for now.
I've been asleep for what seems like four or five days now.
I don't know what I've missed.
I guess I made the right choice and let an opportunity go by.
But the funny thing about opportunity it that it's only opportune to a few.
Those with foresight never see things the same as those with hindsight.
But one regrets doing, and one regrets not doing.
Funny thing about regrets... it's like you can never go back and fix them. Seemings as how I'm not dead, and neither is anybody else, I seem to carry few.
Anyway, I'm probably going to try and sleep at a decent time tonight, and get up with the sun tommorrow. I'm prepared for the shock, but I'm wondering if it will be worth my while?
Probably not. So little else seems to be these days.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Excuse Me
Goddamn it's cold outside.
I just hiked for an hour and a half to get home from the bus station in rain turning to snow, with the wind blowing in my face. My poor leather jacket damn near froze and my toque, socks, and pant legs might as well be well used towel for how much water they've soaked up.
Anyway, just thought I would share this little bit of misery. I'm currently thawing, waiting for the water to boil so I can make some hot chocolate. Maybe you all got a kick out of it, but I'm just going to sit here picking the icicles from my nose.
I just hiked for an hour and a half to get home from the bus station in rain turning to snow, with the wind blowing in my face. My poor leather jacket damn near froze and my toque, socks, and pant legs might as well be well used towel for how much water they've soaked up.
Anyway, just thought I would share this little bit of misery. I'm currently thawing, waiting for the water to boil so I can make some hot chocolate. Maybe you all got a kick out of it, but I'm just going to sit here picking the icicles from my nose.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
We live in this Chemical City
I picked up Sam Robert's Chemical City yesterday. An excellent CD if you're looking for some good Canadian rock. I've never been a fan of classic rock, as I find the instrumentals and topics of various older artists to be boring and unrelevant in most cases, but Roberts takes classic rock styles, and makes them work in ways that could only be musical prostitution.
I also picked up In A Coma. I got a copy of it to review about a year ago when I was still in college, and I figured I could get by just hearing the music and listening to the commentary on the music videos only once. Nope, I was wrong.
Although, in a typical travesty of music store piracy, the place I bought it at was still selling the special edition In a Coma tracks for well nigh $40. Somehow, between my two purchases, it worked out to $50. Doing all the math, that equates to maybe $5 getting to the actual artists themselves. For the remainder, I hope the record labels choke and die on their own greed.
Also of interest, the music store I was in had Mr. Beast by Mogwai for $20, but if I wanted to get any of their earlier works, I would have to import them for around $50-$60 a CD. I've discussed this numerous times with Fair, but it will forever irk me, the kind of monetary black hole that has become of the music I love. Imports, markups, fucking promotions. And then iTunes zoning. Grr.
And the industry wonders why piracy is increasing.
When the king launches all his ships...
I also picked up In A Coma. I got a copy of it to review about a year ago when I was still in college, and I figured I could get by just hearing the music and listening to the commentary on the music videos only once. Nope, I was wrong.
Although, in a typical travesty of music store piracy, the place I bought it at was still selling the special edition In a Coma tracks for well nigh $40. Somehow, between my two purchases, it worked out to $50. Doing all the math, that equates to maybe $5 getting to the actual artists themselves. For the remainder, I hope the record labels choke and die on their own greed.
Also of interest, the music store I was in had Mr. Beast by Mogwai for $20, but if I wanted to get any of their earlier works, I would have to import them for around $50-$60 a CD. I've discussed this numerous times with Fair, but it will forever irk me, the kind of monetary black hole that has become of the music I love. Imports, markups, fucking promotions. And then iTunes zoning. Grr.
And the industry wonders why piracy is increasing.
When the king launches all his ships...
Monday, September 11, 2006
Revere
Today is the anniversary of an event that changed the face of the world and brought the terrible reality home of just what kind of a wretched thing humanity had become.
Yes, today is that day.
It is my sister's birthday.
Quake in terror.
Yes, today is that day.
It is my sister's birthday.
Quake in terror.
Courage, Lads
It's Monday.
Yes, I'm about to make this monday my bitch. When I wake up that is. Sis will be at school, and my brother just bought himself a shiny new abode (give 5 months construction time, results may vary), I think it might just be breakthrough time.
Maybe.
Anyway, two new job openings around Alberta. I shall be applying with all alacrity tommorrow. Barring that, I'm probably going to hit the town and call up some friends. I'm sure some people I know from college think I'm dead now. I'll have to suspend their glee at the prospect for a while at least. There's work to be done and booze to be drunk.
Maybe.
Meanwhile, if the rest of you aren't doing anything tommorrow afternoon, I think we should round the posse up in WoW and raid us some Horde ass.
Yes, I'm about to make this monday my bitch. When I wake up that is. Sis will be at school, and my brother just bought himself a shiny new abode (give 5 months construction time, results may vary), I think it might just be breakthrough time.
Maybe.
Anyway, two new job openings around Alberta. I shall be applying with all alacrity tommorrow. Barring that, I'm probably going to hit the town and call up some friends. I'm sure some people I know from college think I'm dead now. I'll have to suspend their glee at the prospect for a while at least. There's work to be done and booze to be drunk.
Maybe.
Meanwhile, if the rest of you aren't doing anything tommorrow afternoon, I think we should round the posse up in WoW and raid us some Horde ass.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Bastion
I'd love to just sit on top of that mountain, away from everyone, and just relax.
My gut feelings have me feeling something's up lately. Something not to my liking, and lately I've felt like a cat on steroids. I'm jumpy, yes. I'm also particularly miserable, because I can't seem to get a fucking break from anything anywhere anytime.
The only thing I want right now is a job. Out of town. With a house of my own.
That is all. That is all I ask of anyone, and I never ask anything of anyone.
So, given that statement, it should come as no surprise that the one thing I ask for is the same thing I will never get.
Go figure. Even with low standards, this squirrel ain't getting any acorns.
It's like everything is all wrong. The employers all have their excuses, which are, convincingly, excuses I've heard from a variety of other people for a variety of other reasons.
- Not competitive enough
- Too trusting
- Doesn't fit "new" requirements
- Not experienced enough
- Lack of variety
- Too quiet
- Too polite
- Not enough life experience (ie. Too young/Still a kid/Still in party phase)
My guess is, not much.
Not much at all.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
The Roots
While we were driving home from Banff, I laid out across the back seat, and looked out the window upside down. The effect was strange. It's like the whole world is upside down, and the only thing to keep you from falling into the sky is the seatbelt around your waist, and should it fail, your last ditch would be one of the spindly trees - upside down they looked like roots - that lined the road.
I'm curious what it would feel like. Falling down into the sky. Would it be like falling into a pool of water? Would it be a paradox?
Another anomaly I found, if you stare at the sky long enough, it doesn't look blue. I guess that's the difference between illusion and reality. One fades under scrutiny.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
It is Wonderful
We went out to Banff this weekend, and stopped by Takakaw Falls.
I brought these back for you.
Enjoy folks. I'll put some more up tommorrow, but for now, I'm pretty sure Blogger is about to suffer and aneurism and die. Messily.
I brought these back for you.
Enjoy folks. I'll put some more up tommorrow, but for now, I'm pretty sure Blogger is about to suffer and aneurism and die. Messily.
Friday, September 01, 2006
I'm Out
I'm off for a little vacation.
After the last place turned me down, I figured it would probably be good for me to get out, so I'm heading to Frank Slide to tent it for the long weekend. I shall be back by monday. Given the recent trend in things lately, I think I shall not be missed in my brief absense, but I just thought it would be a better service to let everyone know where I'll be (or more importantly, where I won't be) this weekend.
I hope you all have a good time, and I'll see you when I get back.
After the last place turned me down, I figured it would probably be good for me to get out, so I'm heading to Frank Slide to tent it for the long weekend. I shall be back by monday. Given the recent trend in things lately, I think I shall not be missed in my brief absense, but I just thought it would be a better service to let everyone know where I'll be (or more importantly, where I won't be) this weekend.
I hope you all have a good time, and I'll see you when I get back.
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