Headless Horseman

This week...

There aren't any words in the English language that are strong enough to describe this week. From work to home and home to work, there just... isn't a word. Stress is too weak.

And then there was the drive home. I've never felt closer to God than I did today coming home. I've never driven a car and felt like every bend, every motherfucking lane-change, was flirting with mortal danger. The road conditions were good, don't get me wrong. When it was just me on the road, things were great.

But add other cars to the mix... Take drive #1 for example. Driving like a drunk, paranoid woman (kidding about the woman part, only not really), this person couldn't go down a hill, no matter how slight, without tapping their brakes maybe five or ten times in rapid succession. On the up-hill parts, where the right side of the road is thoughtfully divided into two lanes for passing, said DPW-D proceeds to then straddle the two lanes, weaving dangerously between the two and accelerating, as to prevent anyone from passing and not risk life and limb to get home.

Great fun. Add a semi.

Large semi decides he's had enough trundling behind me and DPW-D (as, when we're not going up a hill, this maniac is only going 80 through meticulous use of the brakes. It's a posted 100 zone.) So he starts barrelling up the passing lane beside me. Dipshit in the car in front decides s/he's going to start straddling the lanes again, so then the semi is forced to crank on the highbeams and take immediate evasive action. I was sitting there, my windshield being blasted by thick, muddy grime off the road, mostly blind. The only sense I got was that I had four-foot tall tires looming towards my driver side door, and a car weaving dangerously in front of me.

Finger found horn, finger found highbeam switch, and five minutes later, when I finally passed the motherfucker, finger found the power window button so s/he could see said finger saluting him/her as I roared past.

I was almost tempted to take a picture when I got home. My car is so caked with road-slime that it looks like I've just finished driving it through a tour of Iraq's deserts. The only part of my car that's not completely plastered is the rear window and two streaky clear patches where my shitty windshield wipers tried in vain to improve visibility.

Anyway, I think I'm going to get some sleep. Here's hoping that numbnut in the car suffers an aneurism tonight, so that nobody has to die on the road in the near future from his/her antics. Cruel to say, but just imagine yourself in a van with your family and somebody pulls those antics. Not so cruel now, is it?