My walk in the park ended up like so many other ambitions in my life.
Brushed to the wayside in favour of sushi, booze, and sleeping in.
It's clear now, that my plan isn't to stay up here. At least, not to work. I'm going to put in my year's time, and then try and find something else to be, because journalism is indeed not my calling (it never was, but everyone was in such a rush to try and find me a career that they just dropped me in the first one to come up).
I'm not going to just pack up and leave though. I'm involved with too many things up here, so even after the job is gone, there will still be things I have to do.
I'm also not about to just pack up and forget about you guys up here.
I've also come to the realization that there's more I have to deal with than can just be troddled over on some walk in the park. But I don't have time to address that all now, so it's back to burying it all until such a time comes as I either break down or I have a chance to meditate on it all.
I'm just... I'm tired, of hearing the same old things, the same old excuses, the same old encouragements. Nothing of anything changes everything or anything. I'm tired of standing still while the world goes 'round. Tired of being the same while everyone changes. I'm tired of being so out of place, and I'm thinking it's about fucking time that changed.
Even though I know it never will.
2 comments:
At least you know already that your chosen career is not for you, not for good anyway. Some people work their whole life away before realizing they wanted something else. You better not forget us ;)
I dunno, just do what makes you happy or somewhat happy. Thats my words of encouragement for today.... who am i kidding.
Next week, ill fire off a text and we will hang out even if its just playing guitar for a bit.
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