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I'm just sitting and watching clouds drift lazily overhead. I hope you don't mind. I understand that I just disappeared one day, without warning or explanation. I hope you can forgive me that. My mind had long since gone, and it was time for my body to follow it.
I've done all I can to teach our boy. Scott is a bright kid, but he is also very much my son. I have given him all the preparation I can for what is to come, but you understand - his life will go down a different path than mine. It is... my place to lie and watch the clouds. It is his place to walk among them.
It is important now that I go where I must, and that he goes where he must. Perhaps one day we will meet, though I have no idea where or when such a meeting will occur.
This madness, it makes no concessions for love. I go where my footsteps are to be. And this is why I must be separate from you, and from my son. Scott is free to love, and free to be loved. And you... you might one day forget the hardships I've put you through and learn to love another.
Understand that as long as I was with you two, you would both also be under this madness' sway. You would move to its rhythms, and you too would become wearied by it's throb and pace. I would become as a clockwork machine to you. A scheduled malfunction and a constant and needless worry. Love would become a tiring duty. I may be insane, but I know such pain cannot and should not be.
I hope you can forgive me my assumptions. All I have done, I have done with the love and fondness that you've engendered in me over the years. Though I pushed you away always, you always came back.
I will not forget that.
Though now I must go.
Much love always,
-Arthur Bentley
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Sunday, May 31, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Talent
A photographer was invited over to his dear friend's house for dinner one night, and he opted to bring some examples of his trade with him to share with his friend's family.
Through the night, his friend's wife would ooh and ahh over the pictures, commenting "These are gorgeous! You must have such a good camera." The photographer just sat quietly, chewing his food.
Finally, when the end of the evening came, as he was about to leave, the photographer turned to his friend's wife and said,
"Thank you for the lovely dinner. You must have amazing pots and pans."
Through the night, his friend's wife would ooh and ahh over the pictures, commenting "These are gorgeous! You must have such a good camera." The photographer just sat quietly, chewing his food.
Finally, when the end of the evening came, as he was about to leave, the photographer turned to his friend's wife and said,
"Thank you for the lovely dinner. You must have amazing pots and pans."
Friday, May 22, 2009
Huh
As I've been writing along, I found one little paragraph that pretty much neatly sums up the flavour and type of story I'm writing:
"I sit for another few moments, my mouth opening and closing slowly. I’ve never had a damn clue what to say in a situation like this. Your ex-girlfriend, whom you secretly love but now just want to keep safely in the friend territory, has just been cheated on and wants the support of a schizophrenic who’s just barely rolled out of a hospital bed after spending an indeterminate amount of time out of his fucking gourd.
Riddle me this one, batman."
"I sit for another few moments, my mouth opening and closing slowly. I’ve never had a damn clue what to say in a situation like this. Your ex-girlfriend, whom you secretly love but now just want to keep safely in the friend territory, has just been cheated on and wants the support of a schizophrenic who’s just barely rolled out of a hospital bed after spending an indeterminate amount of time out of his fucking gourd.
Riddle me this one, batman."
Crazy
I can't explain why. I opened a document tonight and just started typing away, and it quickly evolved itself into a story. It's not about death or killing or stabbing or anything like that. It's about some fairly plain extraordinary shit that people have to live with.
And strangely, I'm finding this one extremely hard to put down. I mean, as I write this, it's almost 4 a.m. And I'm wishing I could just ignore my body's plaintiff cries for sleep so that I could keep writing.
It's been years since I've been this sucked in by a story. I have no idea how long it's going to be, or what's going to happen to the characters. All I'm doing is writing, and even I'm surprised by what's coming out.
Anyway.
I may post some of it up here when I've got a bit more done, though don't hold your breath. I may end up playing this one close to the chest.
And strangely, I'm finding this one extremely hard to put down. I mean, as I write this, it's almost 4 a.m. And I'm wishing I could just ignore my body's plaintiff cries for sleep so that I could keep writing.
It's been years since I've been this sucked in by a story. I have no idea how long it's going to be, or what's going to happen to the characters. All I'm doing is writing, and even I'm surprised by what's coming out.
Anyway.
I may post some of it up here when I've got a bit more done, though don't hold your breath. I may end up playing this one close to the chest.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Four-Four-Four
No.
If you're wondering: no. I never sleep. At least not on anything that could be called a schedule.
Don't have much to report, aside from the usual day-to-day week-to-week shit that everyone goes through.
Crippled Black Phoenix put out their new album though. I've got it ordered, but I'm impatient. But for those of you waiting, it's worth the wait. Most of the tracks are solid gold. You might be saying "Most? Why not all?" I'll be frank. There's very few CD's that I've bought that have been rock solid right from beginning to end, music-wise. Often times, albums will be trying to convey a kind of message or feeling, and indeed, this album's songs fit the message very well.
But that doesn't mean I have to like every song.
In other news (or non-news as you'd like), events in the world lately have only further cemented my beliefs and opinions of the human race. As if watching a hollywood movie wasn't a hollow enough sounding lecture on the virtues of a morally ambiguous people, one need only open a newspaper or read an article online to know precisely what we're in for in the next twenty... thirty... maybe fifty years.
Mix in an equal helping of ignorance, intolerance, and whatever other commonplace vice you'd like, and you've got yourself the future.
I'm really not looking forward to anything, because all my dreams, all my ambitions, are either rendered meaningless through the endeavors of others, or they quickly become pointless through the ignorant steam-rolling of an entire nation of self-serving idiots. And so it becomes boolean:
1 - Strive for wellness, for self, for others.
0 - Strive for destruction, for others, for self.
Flip the switch. You're fucked either way.
If you're wondering: no. I never sleep. At least not on anything that could be called a schedule.
Don't have much to report, aside from the usual day-to-day week-to-week shit that everyone goes through.
Crippled Black Phoenix put out their new album though. I've got it ordered, but I'm impatient. But for those of you waiting, it's worth the wait. Most of the tracks are solid gold. You might be saying "Most? Why not all?" I'll be frank. There's very few CD's that I've bought that have been rock solid right from beginning to end, music-wise. Often times, albums will be trying to convey a kind of message or feeling, and indeed, this album's songs fit the message very well.
But that doesn't mean I have to like every song.
In other news (or non-news as you'd like), events in the world lately have only further cemented my beliefs and opinions of the human race. As if watching a hollywood movie wasn't a hollow enough sounding lecture on the virtues of a morally ambiguous people, one need only open a newspaper or read an article online to know precisely what we're in for in the next twenty... thirty... maybe fifty years.
Mix in an equal helping of ignorance, intolerance, and whatever other commonplace vice you'd like, and you've got yourself the future.
I'm really not looking forward to anything, because all my dreams, all my ambitions, are either rendered meaningless through the endeavors of others, or they quickly become pointless through the ignorant steam-rolling of an entire nation of self-serving idiots. And so it becomes boolean:
1 - Strive for wellness, for self, for others.
0 - Strive for destruction, for others, for self.
Flip the switch. You're fucked either way.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Step Lightly
It's rained in earnest for the first time this spring.
I've currently got my window open and my fan running full blast to try and fill the room with as much cool, damp air as possible, since it's been largely dry and dusty out for... well. Since the snow last flew.
I like days like today. It's been a pleasant mix of sun and cloud, and it's been cool and moist all day. When it's damp, it keeps most of the shit out of the air that I'm allergic to, so I could be getting shat on and I'd still be having a pretty awesome day.
On the flip side, I'm down to two shifts of work a week. My employers have been forced to take some pretty tough measures in the current retail climate, and I will very likely have to be looking for a second, short-term job in the near future.
It'd be nice if there was some demand for unorthodox photographers right now, but a lot of people have gotten ridiculously reactionary. They aren't willing to risk anything on a (relatively) inexperienced photographer, so a lot of the old shops in town have been making a killing (read: ripoff) off of a lot of people this summer.
Oh well. I can't change any of that. All I can do is put my head down and hope for the best.
Is it 2013 yet?
I've currently got my window open and my fan running full blast to try and fill the room with as much cool, damp air as possible, since it's been largely dry and dusty out for... well. Since the snow last flew.
I like days like today. It's been a pleasant mix of sun and cloud, and it's been cool and moist all day. When it's damp, it keeps most of the shit out of the air that I'm allergic to, so I could be getting shat on and I'd still be having a pretty awesome day.
On the flip side, I'm down to two shifts of work a week. My employers have been forced to take some pretty tough measures in the current retail climate, and I will very likely have to be looking for a second, short-term job in the near future.
It'd be nice if there was some demand for unorthodox photographers right now, but a lot of people have gotten ridiculously reactionary. They aren't willing to risk anything on a (relatively) inexperienced photographer, so a lot of the old shops in town have been making a killing (read: ripoff) off of a lot of people this summer.
Oh well. I can't change any of that. All I can do is put my head down and hope for the best.
Is it 2013 yet?
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