Strange kid

There are no surprises any more.

I normally loathe writing personal things like these. The downside to the written word is it's here forever. And in a way it's a snapshot of me. I am this, at this moment. But from the next moment on, I am this no longer.

Remember that.
Or, if you're up for a challenge, remember everything.

I've been looking for somebody. And I don't mean I've been looking for somebody. And I don't mean I've been looking for somebody.

I've just been looking for somebody, who's maybe willing to share with me a bit. Stories mostly, and maybe a little time. I've got an itch that nobody seems willing to scratch. Dating didn't itch it. Sex didn't even touch it.

It's still there, and it's driving me crazy. Slowly, deliberately, and perhaps fantastically. It's a madness where I descend further and further into a sinking holistic oneness. Where I'm just here. Just hangin' out. By myself. Everything becomes apparent, I can see where I am, and how I affect things. Or don't affect things. I become like the only tree in an endless green field, and everyone else is just blades of grass blowing in the wind.

I'm not looking down. I'm just a tree. And they're just blades of grass. I've got nothing against them, but they're nothing like me.

At times, I wonder whether I'm looking for another tree to sympathize with. Or if I'm looking for the storm that will come and topple me over, roots up at the sky, and scared shitless but completely enthralled.

Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth looking at all.

What will it be when it's over?

There's a huge outcry right now, because a lot of non-profit and support services are being axed in the wake of the economic crashing. I'm not sure how I feel about it. A large part of the jobs that have been lost here have been either directly or indirectly attached to the oilfields, and now that work there has all but evaporated, the massive flow of cash that this province has been awash in has likewise disappeared.

The fact that benevolent, first-line services are the first to suffer the axe is telling in that it's been largely the flow of petro-dollars that has floated these services. In essense, we've been privileged because we have oil.

It's essentially a tiny microcosm for the world at large. I'm not functionally intelligent enough to add up all the ramifications for what's happened to the global economy. I'm not even remotely intelligent enough to figure out the long term effects. But I can honestly say that as money gets tighter, more and more services that were either funded directly from, or sponsored by, big business are going to be cut.

That also means government services are going to be cut, because - here especially - so much is paid for by petro-dollars. Royalties, taxes, and tariffs on petroleum pays a large part of things like health care and post-secondary education.

That means a lot of the nice things we've had, the steps forward we've made in the last few years, it's all very likely going to be wiped out. Or downsized.

All of this can be attributed to living in a bubble.

Now that it's burst, everything come tumbling down.

And I find it amusing that we've been complicit in the function of the economy, yet when it all falls apart, it's the government's job to stimulate, boost, and resucitate the economy.

True, the government has a role to play. But no Harper or Obama is going to provide a magic bullet. We're going to have to get our hands dirty.

Bizarre

I'm not allowed pretend my life is uninteresting. Boring, yes. Repetitive, definitely. But imagine one night your sitting at the local lounge with some friends, sipping on a drink and eating some pizza when the waitress comes to your table and begins to fret because she's getting married and doesn't have a photographer.

That was my saturday night. So I've spent the better part of the day assembling what sorry estate I can into a portfolio to present. I've forgotten that not everyone believes that I'm a professional with a camera just because I say so. Big-headed of me? Definitely. But all the same, I'm a little bit excited and more than just a little afraid. It's been more than a few months since I've used the obscura for anything professional. I'm just hoping I don't come out rusty, as that would be bad for all parties involved.

As a side note, don't tell anybody, but I absolutely abhor shooting weddings. The bride wants everything to be perfect, the groom always has too much to drink, and it's always the photographer's fault that they're both fugly. Okay, maybe not in this particular case. But apocryphal tales in this genre are closer to truth than most would find comfortable. 

Come on now, Come on then

Howling, howling protesters. They're bent out of shape because shapes are so ill defined that they can't help but contort.

As the face of your humanity, I stand for nothing. I know it's wrong, but I'm powerless to act. I cannot make right unless through the wrong means. Let slip my chains and I will make them pay. I will put them in the chains and tortures that they've done to others, but ask yourself:

Will I not just be them? Will I not just become as they were?

And then it's clear. It's never a matter of who's face it is. It only matters who's hand is on the lash.

Tumultuous overthrow and the threat of violence, broken promises and hints of things better left unsaid and unvisited. Lies and scandal and wanton death.

Shapes ill defined.

Come on then, Come on now

It's a land wedged between the tits of idiot lovers, where all that's said makes no sense, and sense itself is shunned.

Koowraaaah! Koowraaaaah!

My eyes. My eyes and ears and brain and teeth. They're all bleeding.
And somehow craving pizza.

Dawn Steps

It's a weird feeling driving around the city, late at night, with the tunes up and nothing but the fog for company.

I used to have someone that would come along for some of those trips, and honestly, I'm still a bit lonely. I always expect to look out of the corner of my eye and see someone there.

In somewhat related news, this is what I'm looking at. Possibly in blue or black. Not red. My brother has practically monopolized red motorcycles, and unless I'm getting something that displaces more than Lake Eerie with every stroke, it'll just seem like I'm following in his footsteps with something a little smaller, slower, and cheaper.

In a completely unrelated tangent, I'm having some trouble with this whole "Let's post hot, semi-naked girls," business. Every time I start looking around for something worthwhile, I stumble across something unrelated but completely awesome.

Such as this.

I know it's Russian, but the quality of photography is superb. I got completely sidetracked going through the pinhole albums. It almost makes me feel like a dirty heathen to think I'm shooting everything on a digital device, so cold and uncaring compared to the old film methods.

Bah, who am I kidding? We'll be wearing tanks as skins one day. Digital cameras aren't so bad.

Know People Here

A lot could be said of a person in their most comfortable state, their most natural surroundings. A lot could be said of a person just by looking at those surroundings - a cramped bed, a dirty stove, a candle-lit bathtub.

Even in the worst of times. There are those who are most comfortable in the least comfortable of places. Thrill seekers. People of action. They find the little pockets of purpose between the waves of chaos that routinely and yet unexpectedly ravage the world.

A lot could be said of a person when they're removed from those comfortable places too. Some might shut down. They might throw a tantrum and lose it. Some might become willful and bend the situation to them until it snaps. Some exacerbate the situation with their ineptness at dealing with unfamiliarity.

Some are completely alienated, and never feel a sense of comfort again - the experience so changing that they cannot, or will not, see things the same way ever. In this we are perhaps the most in tune with our nature. We are the hairless chimps put through the crucible time and again. Sometimes we come out better for it - proof to the transcendence of humanity. Sometimes we come out the baser for it - proof that we're still just animals.

Testament

If you would like a brief, five second prophesy on the future of humankind, here it is.

We're fucked.

Reason being? The gross and overwhelming incapability to A) accept that we're unwilling and unable to learn, and B) deal with our innate desire to avoid responsibility.

Everything's gone downhill and we don't know why, we refuse to learn why, and it's obviously someone else's fault.