Monday night heralded a brief return to my world of dreams. This time it was even more frightening than the last.
The world was filled with torpid, vapid people, who, through their laziness and self-absorption, sought to destroy the world and themselves with it. Acting on their behalf, was my nemesis, the Demon. This time, I felt truly powerless. He had me.
I help the people, he wins.
I leave the people, he wins.
This is a dillemma that is reflected in the living world. If I leave the people to their own, they will inevitably self-destruct (and love every minute of it). If I try to help, it empowers those who should not be empowered, and the world (or at least my locale in it) will be ripped apart in war (while people seem to care less).
Perhaps there is an approach that I am missing.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Sleep Doesn't Come Easy
I had a dream last night. I call it a dream, rather than a nightmare, because nightmares are only what the weak call their own ambitions, coming back to haunt them. Pardon that, it's not true.
Anyway, my dream last night was haunted by something that I'm afraid to see in real life. Apathy killing. Uncaring murder. In my writing, this is characterized by a man named Harm, who kills others without cause, just simply because he can, or because it's deemed necessary. His life has been far from anything normal, living from one abuse to another, and he magnifies and transfers this abuse to those he sees fit. This is what I dreamed of.
I was walking down the stairs of my house, sort of half-aware of the blood-stains on the walls. It might seem timid here, but if you were to actually live through that, you would have trouble walking up in the morning. You would be a mess of both relief and fear. Anyway, moving along, I see someone I don't recognize. Or maybe I do. In the past I've characterized simply as "The Demon," because he is completely unfamiliar, but always recognizable. Well, he's just ended most of the human race... brutally.
Those that weren't intent on killing each other were met with a shortening of existance by this person's hand. Like Harm, he does it without reason, but unlike Harm, he seems to enjoy it. Like some kind of probverbial machine, I get drawn around the globe, gawking at the man's handiwork. All that remains of the once proud and arrogant human race is a few smouldering pockets of withered, frightened, pitiful beings. This burns a question on me that hurt until I woke up this morning.
Why was I spared this tragedy? Surely, I, if pressed, could have done something about this great wrong, but I myself was more or less unaware of what was going on until it was too late. I have fought the Demon in the past, and always triumphed, over such tribulations as abandonment (I merely pressed on alone), Subjugation (I simply broke the bonds), and most often, direct combat (in my dreams, I am not the frail, meek being I am awake. I am to be feared by all of evil intent).
This was something by far more sinister. He showed me my other weakness. Despite all my bitterness and hatred toward other human beings, they are my cause for fighting. I cannot be like Harm, and fight because I can. I must have purpose in life... and without purpose, I suffer.
This is why I was spared. The Demon laughed over his small victory last night. Perhaps he is just a figment of my imagination, but by all that is good, he is not something I trifle with. My sanity hangs in a balance between logic and faith, and just as the cold logic of self-annihalation strikes fear in me, so does the rendition of evil in my mind that balances all the good I seek to make.
Perhaps tonight, I will be strong, and I will bring people back to my dream world. It is rarely consistent from night to night, but for me, there is always myself and the Demon.
Anyway, my dream last night was haunted by something that I'm afraid to see in real life. Apathy killing. Uncaring murder. In my writing, this is characterized by a man named Harm, who kills others without cause, just simply because he can, or because it's deemed necessary. His life has been far from anything normal, living from one abuse to another, and he magnifies and transfers this abuse to those he sees fit. This is what I dreamed of.
I was walking down the stairs of my house, sort of half-aware of the blood-stains on the walls. It might seem timid here, but if you were to actually live through that, you would have trouble walking up in the morning. You would be a mess of both relief and fear. Anyway, moving along, I see someone I don't recognize. Or maybe I do. In the past I've characterized simply as "The Demon," because he is completely unfamiliar, but always recognizable. Well, he's just ended most of the human race... brutally.
Those that weren't intent on killing each other were met with a shortening of existance by this person's hand. Like Harm, he does it without reason, but unlike Harm, he seems to enjoy it. Like some kind of probverbial machine, I get drawn around the globe, gawking at the man's handiwork. All that remains of the once proud and arrogant human race is a few smouldering pockets of withered, frightened, pitiful beings. This burns a question on me that hurt until I woke up this morning.
Why was I spared this tragedy? Surely, I, if pressed, could have done something about this great wrong, but I myself was more or less unaware of what was going on until it was too late. I have fought the Demon in the past, and always triumphed, over such tribulations as abandonment (I merely pressed on alone), Subjugation (I simply broke the bonds), and most often, direct combat (in my dreams, I am not the frail, meek being I am awake. I am to be feared by all of evil intent).
This was something by far more sinister. He showed me my other weakness. Despite all my bitterness and hatred toward other human beings, they are my cause for fighting. I cannot be like Harm, and fight because I can. I must have purpose in life... and without purpose, I suffer.
This is why I was spared. The Demon laughed over his small victory last night. Perhaps he is just a figment of my imagination, but by all that is good, he is not something I trifle with. My sanity hangs in a balance between logic and faith, and just as the cold logic of self-annihalation strikes fear in me, so does the rendition of evil in my mind that balances all the good I seek to make.
Perhaps tonight, I will be strong, and I will bring people back to my dream world. It is rarely consistent from night to night, but for me, there is always myself and the Demon.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
I'm Different
Given all that's happened in the world in recent years, I'm still utterly floored at how people in North America behave. After all the times we've banded together in the face of adversity, all the times we've raised our hands together to commemorate ourselves as a culture of diversity, we still, in the end, turn on one another, based on what makes us different.
I myself have often been the "victim" of seemingly harmless criticism. I've lived a better part of my young life detached from social contact, and just recently have I come to learn some of the nuances that make the difference between being coherent, and just being wierd. For me, weird is about all I get.
Perhaps its the fact that I make odd noises sometimes, forgive me, I'm just a big fan of onomatopeia. There is nothing wrong with my brain that warrents me being called the Turett's Syndrome poster boy (I'll get the spelling for that later). I also fidget and walk kind of weird. Forgive that too. My legs grew too fast for my knees, throwing my balance off, and I point my toes up in stride when I walk to avoid tripping. It gives me an extremely awkward, but utterly stable gait as a walker and runner. My statements as a person are sometimes crude, or well above normal human understanding. My lucidity is not always lucid, I can be a bit mad sometimes, so watch out.
I think a lot of my awkwardness comes from my way of thinking, which is habitually outside the box (sometimes too habitually... simply because I cannot find the answer to a math problem does not mean the problem is non-linear). A lot of people have trouble understanding that after a virtual lifetime of discussing things like prophecy, philosophy, and things beyond the scope of here-and-now, it's very hard to come back to reality and start discussing things like food and people in a coherent, and oft times humorous manner.
My mind-set is also well off the mark. Perhaps I'm branded the outsider because I think only fools go out to kill other people. Real men do not take lives, they save them. It is fully possibly to go Carpe Diem on the world and still come out without having hurt anybody. Peace is also attainable without an excessive buildup of weapons. Besides, peace by deterrence isn't peace. It's just war that hasn't started yet.
I understand that there are other people out there who suffer worse stereotypes than I. I would like to extend my support to those people, especially those of French descent, and those who are of the Muslim faith. Those who believe in peace and understanding have friends, regardless of how unpopular, or unfavorable they are. Those who suffer disabilities are also often stereotyped, although its often more subtle than racial, national, or religious profiling. I feel especially for those who have hinderments of the brain. To me, the brain is sacred, much like a Chapel Perilous for every man and woman. To be disabled in mind, either from birth or by incident, is a tragedy of Biblical proportions.
To think that those with crippled minds should live, and yet live fuller than those with full minds and empty hearts.
I myself have often been the "victim" of seemingly harmless criticism. I've lived a better part of my young life detached from social contact, and just recently have I come to learn some of the nuances that make the difference between being coherent, and just being wierd. For me, weird is about all I get.
Perhaps its the fact that I make odd noises sometimes, forgive me, I'm just a big fan of onomatopeia. There is nothing wrong with my brain that warrents me being called the Turett's Syndrome poster boy (I'll get the spelling for that later). I also fidget and walk kind of weird. Forgive that too. My legs grew too fast for my knees, throwing my balance off, and I point my toes up in stride when I walk to avoid tripping. It gives me an extremely awkward, but utterly stable gait as a walker and runner. My statements as a person are sometimes crude, or well above normal human understanding. My lucidity is not always lucid, I can be a bit mad sometimes, so watch out.
I think a lot of my awkwardness comes from my way of thinking, which is habitually outside the box (sometimes too habitually... simply because I cannot find the answer to a math problem does not mean the problem is non-linear). A lot of people have trouble understanding that after a virtual lifetime of discussing things like prophecy, philosophy, and things beyond the scope of here-and-now, it's very hard to come back to reality and start discussing things like food and people in a coherent, and oft times humorous manner.
My mind-set is also well off the mark. Perhaps I'm branded the outsider because I think only fools go out to kill other people. Real men do not take lives, they save them. It is fully possibly to go Carpe Diem on the world and still come out without having hurt anybody. Peace is also attainable without an excessive buildup of weapons. Besides, peace by deterrence isn't peace. It's just war that hasn't started yet.
I understand that there are other people out there who suffer worse stereotypes than I. I would like to extend my support to those people, especially those of French descent, and those who are of the Muslim faith. Those who believe in peace and understanding have friends, regardless of how unpopular, or unfavorable they are. Those who suffer disabilities are also often stereotyped, although its often more subtle than racial, national, or religious profiling. I feel especially for those who have hinderments of the brain. To me, the brain is sacred, much like a Chapel Perilous for every man and woman. To be disabled in mind, either from birth or by incident, is a tragedy of Biblical proportions.
To think that those with crippled minds should live, and yet live fuller than those with full minds and empty hearts.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Are you scared, Demon?
Well, categorization is a dog, ain't it?
We spend most of our lives trying to accomplish three things:
1) Procreating: It's a status symbol for a man to "get with" or "get laid". It's also a positive image for women to be mothers. We put very little value on those who will never reproduce, or will never want to reproduce, even though they likely hold the truth of the world. And yet here we are, its very fashionable to get bent out of shape because someone isn't getting enough hanky-panky.
2) Consuming: Eating, burning, using, etc. This is so important to us, that we slated it into our religion. Supposedly the Earth is ours to rape, but do you think the Earth had a say in that? Not likely... considering after all, planets can't talk.
3) Killing: Didn't see that one coming, did ya? We spend more time killing each other than we do building structures. The main super-powers of the world spend more on weapons and WoMD than they do on... ohhh, healthcare, education, and food. What's the remedy to this little problem? Go back to point #1.
After all that, some people still think that they have nothing to be sorry for. Well, big guns kill lots of people, but there are ramifications out there, and it will only take time before something happens that reverses all this karma we've heaped upon ourselves...
Or perhaps God will spare us the destruction of our own doing?
That's right, count on the parent to save the kid from the fire that they started.
We spend most of our lives trying to accomplish three things:
1) Procreating: It's a status symbol for a man to "get with" or "get laid". It's also a positive image for women to be mothers. We put very little value on those who will never reproduce, or will never want to reproduce, even though they likely hold the truth of the world. And yet here we are, its very fashionable to get bent out of shape because someone isn't getting enough hanky-panky.
2) Consuming: Eating, burning, using, etc. This is so important to us, that we slated it into our religion. Supposedly the Earth is ours to rape, but do you think the Earth had a say in that? Not likely... considering after all, planets can't talk.
3) Killing: Didn't see that one coming, did ya? We spend more time killing each other than we do building structures. The main super-powers of the world spend more on weapons and WoMD than they do on... ohhh, healthcare, education, and food. What's the remedy to this little problem? Go back to point #1.
After all that, some people still think that they have nothing to be sorry for. Well, big guns kill lots of people, but there are ramifications out there, and it will only take time before something happens that reverses all this karma we've heaped upon ourselves...
Or perhaps God will spare us the destruction of our own doing?
That's right, count on the parent to save the kid from the fire that they started.
Monday, November 15, 2004
Profitable Ambition
It's been a long hiatus for me, and for those of you who read but don't comment, I apologize. Truth is, I've been tied up with edumafacation, employment, and my dear girlfriend. Between the shat that's been going on in the US government, and Yassir Arafat dying, there is too much to blog, and to be frank, most people don't care what I think about that anyway, so I'll touch on a more personal problem that I've had ever since I learned how to write.
My one and only truly enjoyable ambition in life has been my writing. Fantasy and Science Fiction are the peak of my employable enjoyment, and they are all that I really want to aspire to. Now, we all know how much an unknown author makes. Pretty much nil, which is why I'm sitting in a college classroom now, learning how to become a journalist.
Now, being a journalist is secondary to my prime ambition, but for some reason, everyone is expecting me to haul away as if I will be a reporter for a newspaper for the rest of my life, as if that is destined to be my career.
Well, it is best that I get this off my chest now. I was born into my career in Grade 6, and have been practicing it ever since that time. I don't aspire to write the critical articles that will level a nation with the sheer, raw facts. I know, that trying to do something like that would consume my life, and likely consume me as a person. That is not something that I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to write stories of awe and wonder, and I have been doing that for years, and now I am expected to go out and get a career.
Sorry, too late. I work hard in my classes, for I want to get into something that can support me when my regular writing can't. I put priority on my life over my ambitions, but when it comes to a priority of what I want to do with my life, my choice was made years ago.
My one and only truly enjoyable ambition in life has been my writing. Fantasy and Science Fiction are the peak of my employable enjoyment, and they are all that I really want to aspire to. Now, we all know how much an unknown author makes. Pretty much nil, which is why I'm sitting in a college classroom now, learning how to become a journalist.
Now, being a journalist is secondary to my prime ambition, but for some reason, everyone is expecting me to haul away as if I will be a reporter for a newspaper for the rest of my life, as if that is destined to be my career.
Well, it is best that I get this off my chest now. I was born into my career in Grade 6, and have been practicing it ever since that time. I don't aspire to write the critical articles that will level a nation with the sheer, raw facts. I know, that trying to do something like that would consume my life, and likely consume me as a person. That is not something that I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to write stories of awe and wonder, and I have been doing that for years, and now I am expected to go out and get a career.
Sorry, too late. I work hard in my classes, for I want to get into something that can support me when my regular writing can't. I put priority on my life over my ambitions, but when it comes to a priority of what I want to do with my life, my choice was made years ago.
Thursday, November 04, 2004
...before the Plunge
Bush has been elected... again.
It's a sad day the world over, unless you have something to gain from Bush's re-election. I know for a fact that with his re-election, the US is guaranteed an economic recession soon, as proof, the Canadian Dollar is quickly threatening to overtake the US dollar. Many Americans believe that the Canadian economy and American economy are intertwined, and that if one sinks, the other will follow.
This is wrong. As demonstrated with the US cattle embargo on Canada, we have proven that we are capable and self-sufficient. We have also shown, with our rising monetary value, that our economy is the inverse of the American one. When the US slips into recession, Canada's economy booms (although not all aspects of our economy are so overjoyed to see such expansion).
My largest worry, however; has nothing to do with money or economies, but rather with human life. With Bush in power, and super-conservatives taking larger and larger pieces of mainstream American life, my major concerns now relates to two things: the decay of rights and freedoms in the US, and the ever greater threat of the US invading or pressuring other countries to try and either a) submit to American will, or b) adopt and American democracy.
The fact that democracy is spreading, is, unto itself, not a bad thing. However, the fact that nations are being invaded, and people are dying to spread democracy is. The American people had a choice to try and stop this, or at least, give pause to see the truth.
51% of the people chose not to heed the warning, and now an entire world and 49% of the US population have to live with it.
It's a sad day the world over, unless you have something to gain from Bush's re-election. I know for a fact that with his re-election, the US is guaranteed an economic recession soon, as proof, the Canadian Dollar is quickly threatening to overtake the US dollar. Many Americans believe that the Canadian economy and American economy are intertwined, and that if one sinks, the other will follow.
This is wrong. As demonstrated with the US cattle embargo on Canada, we have proven that we are capable and self-sufficient. We have also shown, with our rising monetary value, that our economy is the inverse of the American one. When the US slips into recession, Canada's economy booms (although not all aspects of our economy are so overjoyed to see such expansion).
My largest worry, however; has nothing to do with money or economies, but rather with human life. With Bush in power, and super-conservatives taking larger and larger pieces of mainstream American life, my major concerns now relates to two things: the decay of rights and freedoms in the US, and the ever greater threat of the US invading or pressuring other countries to try and either a) submit to American will, or b) adopt and American democracy.
The fact that democracy is spreading, is, unto itself, not a bad thing. However, the fact that nations are being invaded, and people are dying to spread democracy is. The American people had a choice to try and stop this, or at least, give pause to see the truth.
51% of the people chose not to heed the warning, and now an entire world and 49% of the US population have to live with it.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
The Deep Breath...
Today is election day in the states, and by the time I get home tonight, the fate of the world will be sealed. I'm sure the people in Iraq are watching the events unfolding in the US today with more attention than they would their own election, judging their conquerors for their own use of the system that they, the Iraqi's, had imposed upon their nation.
I personally would vote for Kerry, given that Bush's reign over the last four years has been one of the most destructive ever chronicled in US history. However, if there are any American citizens reading this, I urge you not to take my word for it. The only peoples who have anything to gain from Bush's continued reign are large businesses, religious zealots, and the Saudi oil barons. Those in the US middle or lower classes of income only stand to lose, not only their standing within the US, but the respect of the rest of the world. You can ignore what the rest of the world is saying, but not what the rest of the world is doing.
The fate of our future, and our children's future, rests in this election. The results of this evening will shape the type of world that my children, and my children's children will have to live in, much as the President's of my grandparent's era shaped the Cold War for my generation, and my parent's generation to mend.
The world we live in has changed, indeed, but not as Bush and Kerry would have us believe. The world is not "Post 9/11". Terrorism existed long before the tragedy that unfolded that morning. In fact, the US had experienced their own home-grown version of it under the attacks of Timothy McVeigh. Was his bombings a warrent for an international War on Terror? No. Why? Because there was nothing to be gained at the time, since the initial threat came from the interior.
Whether it's either Bush or Kerry that gets elected, remember, both will try to use your fear against you. The War on Terror is just that, a tool to keep everyone the world over ductile. To be molded into the ideal supporter, and into the paranoid parents that we know we've become. Security is killing the liberties and freedoms that we died protecting. And now we're dying for the security thats killing our liberties and freedoms that we died for.
Dead is dead?
If you could fight for freedom or security, which would it be? And remember, they are not the same thing. Security does not beget freedom.
In other news, it is likely that less than 50% of the population of America will vote in this election. Way to exercise your duty, folks.
I personally would vote for Kerry, given that Bush's reign over the last four years has been one of the most destructive ever chronicled in US history. However, if there are any American citizens reading this, I urge you not to take my word for it. The only peoples who have anything to gain from Bush's continued reign are large businesses, religious zealots, and the Saudi oil barons. Those in the US middle or lower classes of income only stand to lose, not only their standing within the US, but the respect of the rest of the world. You can ignore what the rest of the world is saying, but not what the rest of the world is doing.
The fate of our future, and our children's future, rests in this election. The results of this evening will shape the type of world that my children, and my children's children will have to live in, much as the President's of my grandparent's era shaped the Cold War for my generation, and my parent's generation to mend.
The world we live in has changed, indeed, but not as Bush and Kerry would have us believe. The world is not "Post 9/11". Terrorism existed long before the tragedy that unfolded that morning. In fact, the US had experienced their own home-grown version of it under the attacks of Timothy McVeigh. Was his bombings a warrent for an international War on Terror? No. Why? Because there was nothing to be gained at the time, since the initial threat came from the interior.
Whether it's either Bush or Kerry that gets elected, remember, both will try to use your fear against you. The War on Terror is just that, a tool to keep everyone the world over ductile. To be molded into the ideal supporter, and into the paranoid parents that we know we've become. Security is killing the liberties and freedoms that we died protecting. And now we're dying for the security thats killing our liberties and freedoms that we died for.
Dead is dead?
If you could fight for freedom or security, which would it be? And remember, they are not the same thing. Security does not beget freedom.
In other news, it is likely that less than 50% of the population of America will vote in this election. Way to exercise your duty, folks.
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